Because she’s wonderfully made—and she needs to believe it, too.
My youngest daughter is twelve. Just typing that makes me shake my head in bewilderment. Twelve is such a turning-point age. It’s this beautiful, awkward, messy place between childhood and adolescence. It was also, for me, a time fraught with mixed emotions, hormone surges, and self-doubt. My first suicide attempt came shortly thereafter. And my oldest daughter? She struggled, too, when she was twelve. So I’ve been bracing myself for a while now, doing all I can to prepare my heart, my prayers, and my parenting toolbox for round two.
You may have caught my articles on Ways to Affirm Your Children or The Power of Prayer, so you know this mama believes in building up her children and that this mama believes in prayer. And as my youngest rockets toward her teens, I want to do everything I can to help her build and keep her confidence. If you’re in the thick of it too, or you see it coming, this one’s for you.
These are real-life, grace-filled ways to boost your daughter’s esteem. They’re helpful whether your girl is six, twelve, or just turned sixteen. They’d probably work for your adult daughter, too. I don’t know. I’m not there yet.
Model Self-Acceptance
You are your daughter’s first and most important role model. She sees how you speak about your body, your abilities, and your worth. And she takes notes. If you constantly criticize yourself or downplay your strengths, she learns to do the same. Instead, show her what it looks like to love who God created you to be.
That doesn’t mean pretending to have it all together, it means embracing yourself in the everyday, imperfect moments with gentleness and grace. Let her hear you say things like, “I’m proud of how I handled that,” or “This outfit makes me feel happy.” Let her see you enjoying who you are, even while you’re growing.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14 (NKJV)
If this is an area where you struggle, consider using the verses in this Godly Reflections journal to help you see past broken reflections and learn to view yourself through God’s eyes
Build Self-Worth Based on Values
True self-worth is rooted in living according to your values, not in comparison, appearance, or popularity. Help your daughter anchor her identity in who God says she is. Celebrate her character more than her achievements. Praise her for showing kindness, courage, integrity, and resilience. Teach her what matters most, and remind her often that her worth doesn’t waver based on what she accomplishes or what others think of her.
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty… You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:3–4 (NLT)
Encourage Her Interests (Even the Quirky Ones)
Does she love designing obstacle courses for her guinea pig? Skateboarding in the driveway? Singing show tunes at the top of her lungs? Cheer her on. Even if her passions don’t line up with your own, show up with curiosity and support. Your enthusiasm tells her that what she loves matters. One of my kiddos creates jump courses for the dog in our basement all the time. I deal with it. Because when we help them develop a sense of wonder in girlhood, we help our daughters stay passionate and engaged in their pursuits as they grow.
Allow Her to Cultivate Her Own Style
Whether it’s pairing a black dress with Vans or painting her nails ten different colors, let your daughter explore her personal style within age-appropriate boundaries. This doesn’t mean a free-for-all. It means giving her freedom to develop a sense of what makes her feel comfortable, creative, and confident. Style is one of the first ways kids express their identity. Let her know it’s safe to experiment (and to change her mind). Even when she tries something that makes you raise an eyebrow – or she shaves part of one of hers – pause, smile, and say: “You look like you feel great!” Because chances are, she does. And THAT is what matters.
Model and Teach Self-Advocacy
One of the most powerful lessons we can teach our daughters is that their voice matters. Model how to speak up respectfully about your needs, limits, and feelings. Then teach her to do the same. Practice together how to respond to unkindness. Role-play how to say no with grace. Equip her with words for hard moments, whether with friends, family, or authority figures. Let her know that using her voice isn’t rude, it’s healthy.
“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 (NKJV)
Compliment Her the Right Way
Compliments are powerful, and they should be meaningful. Instead of “You’re so pretty,” say “Your joy lights up the room.” Instead of “You’re smart,” say “I’m proud of how hard you worked.” Focus on traits she can grow and choices she makes. Let her know her beauty isn’t limited to the mirror. And be specific! Girls crave authenticity. When you notice something good in her, name it clearly and kindly.
Get Her Involved in Team Sports or Group Activities
Team sports, theater groups, dance classes, art clubs, whatever her thing is, find a place where she can build skills, friendships, and confidence all at once. Group activities help girls develop grit, learn cooperation, and build a sense of belonging. They also offer more chances for trusted adults to speak life into her.
Let Her Find Her Own “Thing”
Not every girl loves team activities, and that’s okay. Maybe she thrives in solo pursuits like photography, coding, baking, or journaling. Whatever it is, support her exploration and applaud her discoveries. Finding “her thing” gives her purpose, pride, and the joy of personal growth.
Allow Her to Be Outwardly Confident
Confidence isn’t arrogance. It’s courage to walk in the truth of who she is. Don’t downplay her excitement when she’s proud of herself. Celebrate it with her. Say things like, “You should be proud, that was brave!” or “I love that you’re excited about your accomplishment.” Give her room to shine without feeling like she has to shrink. And if she feels like shrinking, try to help her remove the shrink wrap a bit. Without causing damage, of course. Some kids don’t want the limelight. Don’t shove her into it. But it’s okay to privately build her up and let her know how proud you are of her.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk to Her
Make space for regular connection. It doesn’t always have to be deep, but it should always be safe.
Ask questions. Listen without interrupting. Invite her to share her thoughts and feelings without judgment.
When tough conversations come (and they will), let her know that nothing she says can separate her from your love, or from God’s.
“The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18 (NKJV)
Be an Example
I already said model self-acceptance. But also be an example. How you handle stress, setbacks, beauty, aging, conflict, and celebration, she’s watching it all. Are you modeling humility, courage, faith, forgiveness, and joy, too? One of the greatest gifts we can give our daughters is a life lived with integrity and love and showing her that you know that you are who God says you are, and so is she.
Looking for ways to boost her esteem? Check out these Esteem Boosting Journal Prompts for Moms and Daughters, with 15 prompts for Moms and 15 prompts for daughters. Work together or separately and then exchange answers, or reflect on them individually. Either way, they are a great way for you to get to know yourself and possibly each other.
Empowering Books for Tween and Teen Girls
Books are incredible tools for helping girls see their value, understand their identity, and grow in faith. Here’s a curated list of books I’ve either used with my girls or added to our ever-growing stack.
For Tween/Teen Girls:
NIV Ultimate Bible for Girls – Designed specifically for girls aged 8–12, this Bible features faith-based notes, engaging quizzes, and thought-provoking devotional thoughts that help girls connect with Scripture. See my review of the Ultimate Bible for Girls.
I Am Confident, Brave & Beautiful: A Coloring Book for Girls – A wonderful blend of art and affirmation, this coloring book encourages creativity and reinforces truth about identity, strength, and confidence.
Glory Girl by Jess Connolly – A passionate call for girls to know who they are and whose they are. Jess writes like a big sister cheering girls on toward their God-given purpose.
Brave Beauty by Lynn Cowell – With 100 “mini chapters” tailored for girls ages 8–12, this book gently equips girls to face fears, embrace truth, and grow in confidence.
Growing Up God’s Way for Girls by Dr. Chris Richards and Dr. Liz Jones – A biblically grounded guide to help girls understand the changes they experience as they grow, with a gentle and respectful approach. See my review of Growing Up God’s Way for Boys & Girls.
Big, Bold, & Beautiful by Kierra Sheard-Kelly – This faith-filled encouragement from gospel singer Kierra inspires young women to embrace who they are and trust in who God created them to be.
For Moms:
Raising Body-Confident Daughters by Dannah Gresh – Packed with practical insights and biblical truth, this book helps moms equip their daughters to stand against body image pressure and walk in freedom.
A Mom’s Guide to Praying Scripture Over Your Children by Virginia Higgins – (You knew I had to include this one!) This is a go-to guide for covering your children in truth, blessing, and encouragement straight from God’s Word.
You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth – This soul-hugging book is a reminder to moms that our worth doesn’t come from what we do, but from who we are in Christ. A good read for any mom needing a refill.
Raising Worry-Free Girls by Sissy Goff – A wonderful resource for helping daughters (and moms) manage anxiety with practical tools and biblical insight.
My oldest daughter is proof that these years may feel long, but they’re flying by. It seems like yesterday she was twelve, and now she’s sixteen and a half. Oi.
Your daughter will face pressure, comparison, and doubts—but she’s not doing it alone. You’re showing up, praying hard, and speaking truth over her. That matters.
Most of all, let’s keep pointing our girls to the One who created them with intention and beauty. He calls them chosen, beloved, and His.
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” — Song of Solomon 4:7 (ESV)
Let’s help them believe it.
And when you’re not sure what to do next, start here: tell her you love her. Tell her you’re proud. And tell her that the God who made the stars also made her—and He never makes mistakes.
