“Batty. B. A. T. T. Y.” I said.
Some people just get under your skin, and loving like Jesus isn’t always easy. I’ll never forget sitting to chat with a wise friend one day, and telling her about a co-worker who was really grating on my LAST nerve. She peered at me over her coffee cup and said, “Maybe you’re the problem.”
“Um. What? I am NOT the problem,” I said.
Then she asked if I had ever read the book How to Get Along With Difficult People by Florence Littauer. I said I had not. She said it offers practical advice to help smooth out thorny relationships, but also helped her realize that sometimes she’s the problem in those thorny relationships. It was food for thought, for sure. I was a young Christian at the time, and I learned a LOT from that book. And the fact was, in that situation, I WAS the problem.
Sometimes it’s not you, though. Maybe it’s the family member who has something critical to say. Like the one who sat across from me at a family reunion a few years ago and had the audacity to say, aloud, “You big, just like your Mama, huh?” I probably could have caught flies with the way my mouth hung open for a moment before I recovered and replied with, “Did you really just say that?”
Maybe your co-worker thinks they’re the biggest gift to the office but can’t seem to do their job correctly (as was the case with another co-worker. Or maybe you have a neighbor who lets their dog bark at 5 a.m. every single morning. I’m sure as you’re reading this, you have someone in mind. You know the one. We all have that person (or several) in our lives, the ones who test our patience, challenge our peace, and leave us either praying, “Jesus, help me not to lose my mind today” or singing, “y’all going to make me lose my mind up in here, up in here.”
Here’s the thing. As followers of Christ, we’re called to walk in grace, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Because grace isn’t just for the people who are easy to love. It’s for everyone. Even the people who drive you batty.
So pull up a chair, friend. Let’s talk about what it means to show grace when your feelings are frayed, your patience is paper-thin, and your love tank is beyond bone dry. Because I’ve been there. More than a few times.
Grace Isn’t Permission; It’s a Posture
When we talk about grace, it’s easy to misunderstand it as passivity. Like grace means we let people walk all over us or never hold them accountable. But that’s not biblical grace. God’s grace doesn’t ignore sin or excuse bad behavior. Grace transforms hearts.
Grace is a posture of the heart. It’s how we respond because of what Jesus has done in us. It’s choosing kindness when we feel annoyed, offering forgiveness when we’d rather stay mad, and speaking gently when we’d rather snap. I have a tee shirt that says, “Love them anyway.” My sister has the same shirt (I bought it for her). We may (or may not) have been known to wear them to the same family function as helpful reminders to each other to Love Them Anyway.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)
Grace says, “I see your flaws, and I’m still going to treat you with love and dignity, because that’s how Christ treats me.” It doesn’t mean enabling toxic behavior by pretending everything’s fine. It means we stay rooted in love even when others don’t.
But What If They Never Change?
Oh, friend. I’ve asked that question more than once. With tears running down my face. There’s something so incredibly exhausting about loving someone who doesn’t even seem to notice, or worse, doesn’t care, how their actions affect others. But grace doesn’t hinge on their response. It flows from our relationship with Jesus, not their behavior. And if I have said it once as I have cried out to Jesus for the ones that I love, I have said it a thousand times. If there is breath in their lungs, there is hope. If they have a pulse, they have a purpose. And as long as Jesus has them on this earth, I am going to do everything in my power to extend grace.
“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” Luke 6:27–28 (NLT)
Read that again. Bless. Pray. Do good. Not once does Jesus say, “Only if they’re sorry.” He calls us to grace without conditions, because He is grace without conditions.
Does that mean we never set boundaries? No way. There are times When Grace Looks Like Boundaries. Boundaries are a healthy, biblical way of loving others and honoring God. But even boundaries can be set in grace. We can say “no” without being cruel. We can walk away from dysfunction without walking away from love. <– that one is HARD. Sometimes you have to put distance between you and loved ones to allow grace to flow between you.
Grace in Real Life
Let’s talk real-life examples. Grace when…
- Your teenager gives you that attitude (again).
- Your spouse leaves their dishes in the sink for the sixth time this week.
- Someone at church gossips behind your back.
- That relative brings up politics at Thanksgiving dinner (again).
- A driver cuts you off and waves the universal sign of dissaproval like you’re the problem.
- A family member that you rarely hear from cusses you out because you won’t loan them money “for their rent” until next Tuesday
Grace isn’t just for big spiritual moments. It shows up in daily, gritty, under-your-breath prayers like
- “Lord, help me see them how You see them.”
- “Give me patience, which I do not have right now.”
- “Help me to speak life, not fire.”
It’s remembering that we’re all works in progress.
“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, in His grace, freely makes us right in His sight.” Romans 3:23–24 (NLT)
We all need grace. And we’re all called to give it.
When You’d Rather Be Right
This one’s tough. Sometimes we just know we’re right. And you know, we might be. And it’s so tempting to let someone have it. Whether in a pointed comment, a cold shoulder, or a sassy comeback. But grace doesn’t chase after being right. It pursues peace.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Romans 12:18 (ESV)
That doesn’t mean ignoring truth. But it means speaking truth in love. Not to win an argument, but to win a heart. Grace lets go of the need to always prove a point and chooses humility instead.
You might be right, and still be called to stay silent. Or to speak softly. Or to let the Holy Spirit do the convicting instead of playing junior Holy Ghost.
I can’t tell you how many times Holy Spirit has told me to shut my mouth. I’d open my mouth to say something, KNOWING FULL WELL that I am right and had Scripture to back me up on it, and Holy Spirit would say, “Seal it, it isn’t yours to say, and if you say it, YOU are in direct disobedience.” Ooooh. Talk about taking some serious humilty and self control to clamp it.
Grace Doesn’t Mean You’re a Doormat
Let’s pause here for a heart-to-heart. Grace does NOT mean tolerating abuse or being treated like less than who you are in Christ. If someone is harming you physically, emotionally, verbally, or spiritually, grace may look like stepping away and seeking help. There is strength in grace. It’s not weakness to walk in wisdom.
If you, or someone you love, is a victim of domestic abuse, there is help available 24/7 at 800.799.SAFE (7233), or text “START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org for a directory of local providers.
https://www.thehotline.org/
Please contact 911 if you feel like you are in immediate danger or a life-threatening situation.
Remember, Jesus turned the other cheek, but He also flipped tables. Grace is NOT a lack of boundaries. It’s a God-given lens that helps us respond in love, with healthy boundaries in place.
What About When Grace Feels Impossible?
There are moments when grace feels like the furthest thing from your mind. When you’ve tried so hard to love someone, and they just keep pushing your buttons or causing pain. What then? That’s when we lean into the Source of grace.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)
You don’t have to conjure up grace from an empty heart. You ask the Lord to fill you again. Grace is His to give, and He gives it freely to those who ask.
Start with prayer. Not just “God, change them,” but “God, change me. Soften my heart. Let me love with Your love. Help me forgive like You forgive. Make me more like You.”
That kind of prayer cracks open the door for healing, peace, and supernatural love to flow.
Practice Grace
Here are some simple ways to begin walking in grace, even when it’s tough:
- Pause before you respond. Take a deep breath and ask God for wisdom in how to speak or act. A pause can prevent a world of regret.
- Pray for them, by name. You might be surprised how your heart shifts when you start praying blessings over the person who frustrates you.
- Look for the good. Even if it’s tiny. Look for traces of God’s image in them. Everyone has a story. Ask God to help you see it.
- Practice empathy. Sometimes the people who lash out are hurting the most. Their behavior doesn’t excuse their actions, but understanding can help you respond in love.
- Remember your own need for grace. When you remember how much grace you’ve received, it gets easier to extend it to others.
Why It Matters
So why go through the effort? Why keep choosing grace when it would be so much easier to write someone off? Because you are a living testimony of God’s grace. And your kindness may be the very thing that points someone else to Jesus.
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” Colossians 4:6 (NKJV)
People are watching. Your kids. Your co-workers. Your neighbors. Even the people who push your buttons the most. And your response might just be the open door that helps them experience the love of God.
The Beauty of Becoming
You won’t always get it right. I know I don’t. There’s a reason I used to read The Five Love Languages every year. I have plenty of days when I miss the mark, when I lose my temper or say what I shouldn’t or roll my eyes a little too hard. But God’s grace covers me too. And He’s always inviting us to grow. Showing grace isn’t about trying to be perfect. It’s about becoming more like Jesus, bit by bit, day by day.
So next time you’re tempted to snap, remember this: grace isn’t easy, but it is powerful. It has the ability to soften hearts, heal wounds, and bring peace where there once was frustration.
And when in doubt, go back to the source of all grace.
“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16 (ESV)
He’s got more than enough for you, and for the people who drive you batty, too. But sometimes, we need some resources to help us grow, amiright? Here are some Grace for the People Who Drive You Batty Journal Prompts to help you dig in and do some growth work.
Looking for some more resources? Here are some of my favorites.
Resources to Help You Grow
Books
- Unoffendable by Brant Hansen — A funny, down-to-earth reminder that choosing grace over anger is actually possible. I read this one four times last year. Yes, four. Why? Because I needed it. After my Mom died, I realized I was allowing offense to creep in where offense was not intended, and I remembered my former lead pastor having us read it years ago. I went back and read it again. Then read it three more times. And recommended it to everyone I knew. This year, we have team leaders leading a group with it. It’s amazing, and I think it should be required reading for every human.
- The Bait of Satan by John Bevere – A powerful look at how offense can trap us, and how forgiveness and grace set us free.
- Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend – I’ve mentioned this one previously, and will mention it again. It is a classic Christian resource on setting healthy, grace-filled boundaries.
- Love Like That: 5 Relationship Secrets from Jesus by Les Parrott – Practical and faith-centered encouragement on how to love more like Jesus, even in hard relationships.
- Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall – A deep dive into what it looks like to forgive fully and walk in God’s grace.
Podcasts
- The Messy Table with Jenn Jewell – Real stories from women about living with grace in the mess of relationships and everyday life.
- The Brant & Sherri Oddcast — Lighthearted, gospel-centered encouragement to let go of frustration and embrace grace.
Just Between Us
I’ll leave you with this. Loving people well isn’t always sunshine, rainbows, and sparkly stuff. Sometimes it looks like gritted teeth and whispered prayers. Sometimes it’s coffee-fueled patience and choosing silence when sarcasm is on the tip of your tongue.
But grace makes space for God to move.
So keep choosing love. Keep walking in grace, even when it feels uphill.
You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.
Now go out there and love like Jesus… even the ones who drive you batty. Especially them.
You’ve got this, friend.
And Jesus has you.
Prayer Prompt
Lord, help me give grace even when my patience is thin and my heart is weary. Remind me to see others through Your eyes, to respond with kindness over irritation, and to lean into Your strength instead of my own. In Jesus name, Amen.
